Madama Butterfly is maybe one of the most rage inducing works of fiction ever. Most people will tell you it's really sad- I, however, will tell you that it will mostly make you feel like punching someone in the face. Two people, really. The fictional person Lt. Pinkerton, and the real life person, Rivers Cuomo. The latter, I name, because he named a whole Weezer album Pinkerton, and totally romanticized Lt. Pinkerton, which is way the hell horrifying (even more horrifying than the uncomfortably racist lyrics! Almost!) when you know the story.
Ok, so, Pinkerton is a naval officer from the United States- and he's all fascinated with all things Japanese. If it had been the 1990's, he would have been one of those dudes who never shut up about anime ever. He also would have been that one dude you know who went to Japan to teach English, and pretended that it was totally because he wanted to help people, and experience a new culture rather than the fact that he has creepy misogynistic and racist ideas about how things are there. Oh, and like, every time anyone says anything about eating sushi, he would go on for at least five minutes about how it's soooo much better in Japan as though you wouldn't have guessed that. I mean, they invented it, and they certainly have more access to fresh seafood thank we do in Chicago, so that's fairly obvious. Then you're like "Fine, whatever, I'm sure it's way awesome in Japan. I'm so sorry that I feel like having a tempura shrimp roll this evening, Debbie Downer." And then he orders in Japanese even though the waitress is from Iowa. Lt. Pinkerton is that guy.
So, yeah, he's that dude. And he tells his friend that he likes it there so much that he is going to lease a place there for 99 years with an option to cancel every month. Because, he says, that's how shit goes down in Japan.
So, anyway, they meet and she's like "My name means Butterfly in English. My family used to have money, but they lost it all and now I have to be a Geisha. Guess how old I am? FIFTEEN!"
Fifteen, people. Fifteen. That's not gross or anything. Then she's like "I brought all my stuff! Including the sword my dad used to kill himself like a month ago! In no way am I in any kind of fragile state of mind! ALSO- I am so excited to be marrying you that I converted to Christianity, and pissed off my entire family by doing so, yesterday."
So, they have a wedding, and during the wedding he's all hangin' out in secret with his crew and he's like "Heeeeeeyyyyy my fellow Americans! Let's toast to the time in the future where I'll have a REAL wedding! To an American bride who is not this chick!" But then, after the wedding, he's like "Oh my god. We are so in love. It's crazy how totally in love with you I am! Love love love love love! For real. In love. With you. The fifteen year old I met three days ago. You + Me 4EVA."
Dude takes his time. Lots of time. Time in which the rent is supposed to be paid, time in which she has his BABY. And every morning she'd get up and look for him, and every night she'd pine for him... for like FOUR YEARS. That's some dedication people. Her maid is all "Seriously, dude is NOT coming back." But Butterfly believes that he will. Totally believes it. She sings this song about it, and this song will make you sob uncontrollably, sob to the point where you have snot running down your face and kind of feel like you might puke:
OH MY GOD. SADDEST SONG EVER! SO SAD!!! EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S SAYING!!!