Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Can We Talk About the Sign At The Bus Stop By My Apartment?

Normally, with this blog, I talk about facts. I had another, more general blog which I more or less abandoned several years ago due to a super creepy stalking incident. HOWEVER, we need to talk about the sign that is at the bus stop by my apartment.

Do you understand the vast significance of this? That someone would place a sign that says "Don't Panic" right by my apartment? Obviously, my first thought was SOMEONE NEEDS TO CARRY A TOWEL. Because how could you possibly think anything else? A large sign? Outside my apartment? That says "Don't Panic"? You would be a fool to think anything else. Second, I don't understand what is coming out of that baby's stomach. It's like a broccoli stem. Why is there a broccoli stem coming out of a baby's bellybutton? Is that a thing? Does it mean something? Or is that what an umbilical cord looks like? I honestly do not know.

Third! Ok. I have to ask. Are dumpster babies actually so much of a thing that these signs are necessary? Because I feel like, really, only someone who was mentally ill would actually HAVE a baby and then put it in a dumpster. I would assume it's kind of a rarity. Then again, I cannot imagine anything more terrible than giving birth. I really can't. The fact that dumpster babies are enough of an epidemic to warrant an entire sign outside of my apartment is beyond disturbing. Do people need to be reminded that like, randomly leaving a baby in a dumpster or another unsafe place is not in fact a good idea? Also, I am curious as to how would they even know if the baby was under 30 days old. Because I am quite sure I would not be able to make the distinction. I don't even think I would be able to tell if it was a boy or a girl just by looking at the thing were it dressed in a gender neutral ensemble. Also, can't you pretty much give your kid up for adoption at any time anyway? That's what my Mom told me at least...

This, darlings, is a decent reason why abortions should be free on demand. Free abortions for everyone= no dumpster babies with broccoli stems coming out of their belly buttons, probably. Unless you're, you know, like, one of those ladies on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" or something. I have to wonder what the pro-life stance on this would be. My guess is that they'd prefer dumpster babies to abortions, given that by and large, I gather that they are not super into human beings once they're not fetuses anymore.

Anyway. DON'T PANIC. Carry a towel. And don't put your baby in a dumpster.